Sometimes I want to just quit being a parent. What I thought would bring me such joy is doing the opposite. As my children get older this experience gets worse. I’m trying not to wind up in an assylum or click on them. My oldest waits until she’s over 18 to screw up and I don’t know how to cope nor help her. My oldest son can’t stay focused. I don’t know how to help them period. You know what? They want what they want but don’t want what I want and that’s a hugh problem for me. I’m tired and I need a break from being there for them. They are disobedient and I wish they’d get it together. I’m burning out for the older one’s. I have my own problems as an adult and trying to help these semi-adults ain’t helping me.
I’ve had to deal with stupidity over and over. Now these kids think they know something better than me, screw up and then want my help. Do I have the right to say no and still be considered a good parent? I believe I do. Do I have to keep explaining myself in my own house? No. They gone feel how they want regardless of me explaining where I’m coming from so why even bother trying? I’m full of thoughts and emotions that I want gone.
I wish my life was different. I wouldn’t have had kids in highschool. I would’ve been more mentally and financially stable first. I feel like imma lose it sometimes. It’s like their problems out way mine and I don’t want to share that space anymore. I want to be selfish and it be about me, me, me for a change.
Living with them right now is unbearable. I want to be left alone a while. Understand, I’m speaking about the 2 semi-adults. It’s feeling like a pull for power and I can’t have that in my house. Period. Somebody has to go and it can’t be me.
A Day in My shoes with Christ by My side's Blog 