A heart for Wood

It’s been a while. I’m in a better place spiritually and emotionally. God has really worked on me. I’ve found a new love. WOOD! Yes…wood. One day watching the D.I.Y channel I saw what was being done with wood and I got so emotional. My dad is also a bit of a craftsman so why not I right? I have characteristics of both my parents but was searching for more to do with myself. What to pass to my children. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. 
I think that at a certain point every adult questions what they’re doing with their lives. What legacy they’ll leave behind? What will people say about them at their funeral? I’m there. So I plan to do 1 of the many things I’m capable of…now. I’ll be starting my first project of restoring old furniture. Something about it makes me light up inside. I guess taking something that appears to be done and bring it back to life. One man’s trash is this woman’s treasure.

I don’t want this feeling to leave me. I can tell the devil wants to kill it. I’m determined to see it through. I plan on having more than 1 business. This is actually something that I’ll love and making big money from it isn’t the main goal, it’s a bonus. To actually see what my hands can do is a good enough reward. All glory will go to the Father of course. I’m depending on him to bless my mind with ideas and courage to help bring them to fruition.

Doubt begins to set in but I know I’m more than a conqueror and can do all things thru Christ who strengthens. I definitely have to show my children to never quit because of self doubt and naysayers. I must practice what I preach. With the support of my husband too, I’m unstoppable. I want them to be proud of me. Being a boss in more ways than 1. It’s in the blood.

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What type of mom am I? I might be weird and normal all together.

super mom.jpgYou know how you can do something well but don’t want to?  Like cooking (me), cleaning (me), other stuff I can’t think of momentarily (probably me too).  I’m trying to figure out what I can do as a hobby.  So I started blogging.  I’ve always loved writing since a kid.  Now I type instead, same thing, lol.  But what else do I like?  I love the computer.  Wanted to be a computer tech but I probably just wanted to play on the pc all day.  Didn’t understand what a tech did, it just sounded kool.  Oh! I use to always take things apart and put em back together.  Sooooo, I like to use my hands and figure (fix) out things.  What job/hobby is that?  I’m a Ms. Fix It.  I love caring for ppl.  Wanted to be a nurse, still do but would rather be my own boss.  I love babies so I’m opting to open a daycare.  At 35 I don’t want to start school for nursing now.  I think I could still  be a computer fixer but of the programs and not the actual computer. School for that might not take too long.  But I’m sticking with the daycare, I’ll be the BOSS.

sewing mom

Other than that, hobbies?  Don’t fish (probably can), don’t do arts and crafts (probably can), can cook, don’t like it but like eating, can do hair a little, don’t like that either, the list goes on.  So what will I pass to my kids?  I love the Playstation 3.  Games! Cards, board, outdoor, pc. I’m a gamer.  I can do that with my kiddies.  They’ll grow up and say, “I use to play games with my mom. She taught me how not to be a sore loser cuz she beat me every time and laughed in my face.”

game mom

That doesn’t sound as kool as, “My mom taught me how to sew.”  Oh yea, I took sewing in school and loved it.  But…I’m not that interested enough to buy a machine.  What kind of woman/mom am I?  I don’t like sports (except boxing, mma, some tennis).  I like travelling but need the money, so i haven’t done that but once with all the kids.  I’m not into nature but I love looking at beautiful pics and oohing and ahhing as I drive by the scenery.  Although I do want to try camping but it has to be where we get cell reception and running water.  Some kind of RV camp.  I know it exists.  It has to.  I love movies.  Maybe I can be a movie critic.  But does that count as something to teach my kids?  I work, pay bills, come home, lay down, play on my phone/pc, watch tv, text, cook when I have to, wash clothes when I have to (kids and husband do that), clean up when I have to (kids and husband barely do that but it’s enough until I get pissed if it isn’t to my liking). The funnest things are laying down, my phone, tv and pc.  Why do I not enjoy baking and washing dishes like my mom did?

super mom 2

I try to show my kids strength through my instructions without telling them about the grown-up struggles too much (bills, haters at work, etc). Guiding them through day to day experiences. I tell them how they should be loving individuals like Jesus , clean their body’s and surrounding,  how to cope with stress and mean ppl, forgive, when to walk away and/or take a stand, all that good stuff.  Most of all…I LOVE GOD.  Everything I teach them revolves around God. We’re avid church goers.  I hope that’s enough teaching and should be satisfied with that.  Maybe with me it’s not so much of the physical I teach but more verbal and showing them by the way I simply live.  I don’t want them to be just like me but I do want them to be like me.  Have a heart, driven to succeed and care for themselves as well as others.  But not get trampled over either cuz I’ve been there too. I still want them to say they learned how to do something besides iron they’re clothes cuz their mama didn’t want to.  Again…why am i not domestic.

super mom 3

Soon as they were old enough to do things, I put em to work.  Then they did for the younger ones.  I was never a stay home mom.  Just trying to balance both my worlds. Maybe once I start the business I’ll begin to love other things that I can teach them.  Oh, I’d like to grow a garden. I tell myself keeping a roof over their heads is plenty.  But I once was a kid and wanted my mom do do things with me, she didn’t.  Maybe that’s why I am the way I am.  She had me at 45.  An older woman.  She wasn’t into hopping around with me that much. She’d push me out the kitchen most times when I asked to help, it was more like I was just in the way.  Although i enjoyed liking the pots when she did cakes a pies.  She’d call me in for that.  I mix things a little but not die-hard teaching me to cook. I still can cook though. I do that same thing sometimes with my kids when they ask to help.  I like my space and focus.  Who can go shopping with kids?  I hate it, with the younger one’s mostly.

cooking mom 2

Oh yea, I like encouraging ppl to keep striving.  That’s a ummmm…motivational speaker right?!  I also want a women’s support group with some pregnant teens mixed in.  But I can’t teach my kids that.  That’s more like something learned by watching my mannerisms, actions, life, watching me “do”.  Can’t explain it as well as I’d like to. I’ll figure it out.  Maybe it’ll hit me like a ton of bricks.  How much fun is it coming home, learning how to write properly (cuz blogging is what mommy’s into now) after a 6 hour-long day in school?  They don’t want to learn that from me, I don’t think.  I gotta find my niche that will stick with my children.  I just need to accept that I am who I am (hard worker, dream fulfill’r) and my kids can tell the world “that” about their mom.  I think they’ll be the most proud of me for achieving the things I’ve desired for so long.  The few I’ve listed isn’t it.  Might need to create a bucket list  They’ll know to never give up, that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them and no matter what the world says, they can have their dream(s).

Update (minutes later)…

Great Scott, I got it!!! I’ve taught my children thus far…how to pray! I’m a great mom.

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Not in the mood

lazy 2

Now last week I was on point, today, I could be but I don’t want to be.  I don’t want to work…my brain that is.  Seeing that I need my brain for this job, I don’t want to work on this job today either.  I want it to be easy. To delay some stuff.  But that isn’t me.  I still pressed through a bit.  Or let’s say, I did just enough.  I’m not in the right head space.  I really need more time with God.  I’m not too far gone.  At least I’m not having a crying spell, thank God.  I just need a few breathers.  Some cool breeze through my coily hair would be nice.  Looking at my email…kinda looks foreign.  And I’m kinda ok with not wanting to do.  And at that I didn’t sleep until 4 am and got back up at 8.  So I can’t expect to be revived enough to WANT to work.  I accept the fact that I want to be lazy today.

lazy

‘A’ Game

woman desk

I love when I’m on my ‘A’ game at work.  The juices are flowing and I’m unstoppable!  I’m incredibly focused and on point.  I love it!  I thrive on organization.  However there can be moments madness and I certainly have my methods.  It’s all good.  My phone is my most important tool.  The old days are out with pen & pad but they still cone in handy from time to time.  I have to revert back in spells.  Phone going off with texts and emails…oh calls too.  And when I don’t lose my train of thought…that’s what you call a GOOD DAY.

woman desk 2

Yea, I’m feeling myself but it isn’t me.  It’s God.  He’s lining things up and they’re falling into place.  He always does it and I have the audacity to doubt him.  Bye Felicia (to myself)! As he does what he does, my spirit is being lifted, I feel like I can do this, I can really do this, feel like superwoman but it’s my inner being that’s fed.  See we can’t do anything without God.  My brain is functioning properly (at least I think it is), I’m motivated and hopeful that my work will pan out smoothly and it’s not me.  It’s all Him.  It’s easy to take the credit (devil playing mind games) but He (God) sure has a way of showing me who gets the glory in this thang here.  Things can crash and become stressful at the drop of a dime.  So right now, I’m great…because of my Maker.  And to him I say, TYJ (Thank you Jesus)!

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