Melting Away

Started reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian . I started to change immediately, just like when I watched, No More Sheets by Juanita Bynum. Hardness melting. Like a baby. Soft. Me before me. A new me. Re-molded. I feel like I’m going back to my old, sweet me. It feels gooooood.

Best believe it’s scary too. That means I’m opening myself up to vulnerability. But I need to open for my loved one’s, for me. I can’t get thru to God being hard hearted. And this books speaks about praying to change yourself first before you even attempt to pray for God to change your man. Upon reading I quickly realized this woman knows what she’s talking about. Like she could see right thru me. I am the old her. I’m confessing deliverance now. Speaking things that are not as though they were. But literally feel a tug, pull on my heart as I read the words off the page. Everything rang so true. I do want my husband to change things that God might not see as a problem, but I do. Therefore my focus is off. That’s where the nagging comes in it. And us women talking won’t solve everything. I already knew this, but sometimes we just have to shut up and pray. This is something I have been saying for a while now. And a section of her book is titled “shut up and pray”.

Oh my God this book is amazing so far. I have only gotten up to some of the second chapter. But just the beginning did a lot for me. I can lie to myself and say, “I’m okay, I’m not that bad.” But to see someone claim they are struggling or have struggled the exact same way I have, lets me know that there is more work to be done in me that I’m sweeping under the rug and I’m not okay. And it’s okay to be not okay as long as I try (God’s help) to be okay. I still feel this change in me & the enemy hates it. Even though it has been a few days since I have picked up this book, well really I downloaded it to my phone, but you get the drift, I still feel awareness of my issues and changing taking place. And this change will benefit my entire outlook on life. Building my joy!

A part of my wall has been torn down, there’s more to go though. The part that would not allow me to cry out for my troubled son (she to anger), is cracked and I am still working to knock it all down. While trying to be strong for so long and putting on a good face, I’ve felt that breaking down was weakness. But the word says for when I am weak, I’m strong. Sometimes I have to have those moments of just feeling vulnerable so that God can renew me with His power, not my own. In order for God to here our prayers, they have to come from a clean heart. The heart can not be clean if it is harboring a dark thing. Anger for one. When we go to God about someone who has wronged us, we tend to be angry. We need to confess to him we have thesefeelings and that we don’t want to feel like that anymore. But truthfully we want to stay angry and don’t want to admit it. Because with that anger comes along that wall to keep that person out from hurting us again. But even with that wall up they can still hurt us, again. So we need God’s power to give us compassion and forgiveness because being angry takes a lot of energy.

Being hurt takes a lot of energy too, we just mope (self pity) in it and feel sorry for ourselves at times. Stop it. We have to ask God to help us with us and then pray for the others. And that is hard to do. So that’s why I have more to go cuz the ole girl hasn’t completely changed over night. Some find it easy to forgive & not hold grudges. Not I. I never saw myself as a grudge holder but I am. Oh wow, I embarassed to admit I’m part of the Grudge Crew but its true. Help me Lord.

Advertisements

Courage: Fried Fish

Ok, I did a blog about me not being domestic but I can stomp with the big dogs. Well the past 2 nights I’ve been cooking. Fish! I hate frying fish! Something with my nerves man. I can not tolerate hot grease popping me. But get this, the way I react, I’ll flip the whole pan over! That’s worse than the few pops. Boyyyyy I was praying. Praying that God helped me calm down. I was trying to face my fear here ppl. 

The race isn’t given to the swift or the strong but to those who endure…to the end. I refused to quit. Now a few weeks ago I did Chinese honey chicken. The first few I placed in the pan sizzled. I called my sister to cook em for me. I just couldn’t deal with those miniature hot pellets. 

I see my mom standing over the stove, sweat glistening on her orangey (red boned sista) skin, holding a fork in her right, pan handle in her left, squinting one eye as those fiery grease balls pop her in the face. What a strong woman she was. I aspired to be strong like mama. Well, I guess this apple fell far from the tree cuz I runssssss from the frying pan. Ha!

The last 2 nights though, I hung in there. Mind you, everyone knows when I’m frying cuz my voice carries with ridiculous screams like I’m dying. Nope, I’m just frying, family. Don’t mind me. Just like needles. Scared of those or I was. It’s a mind thing. I told myself once it’s in, it isn’t gonna hurt as bad as I thought. After a while, I stopped bracing myself. Relaxation set it. Only if I can do the same with frying. 

The jumping, standing back, screaming, flipping food over frantically, splashing, breaking out in a sweat, wrapping my hand/arm with towels…dramatic right? Lord help me. 

Oh, the fish was fine. Needed more seasoning both nights. But I’m here to tell my survival story. Chicken, steak, pork chops…same story. Except for the seasoning part (be’s on point).

I will continue my kitchen adventures. I’ll become Martha Stewart in no time! Just gotta invest in a long frying glove. I might have to invent it if it isn’t out there already. Hey! Don’t steal my idea. You know what, go ahead. I need 1 or 2 pronto. As a matter of fact, an entire suit!

Chow Mein

Tonight Chow Mein will be served. I don’t know how the younger kids will take it though. My baby girl is quite picky at times. This Tasty recipe calls for sesame oil. This oil, soon as you open it, the smells lights up the room. Smells like burnt vegetable oil. I don’t recall chow mein tasting that way. Hopefully the aroma & taste disintegrates during cooking. Ginger, garlic, black/red pepper, soy sauce & oyster sauce are the other items of seasoning. I smell none of it sadly. Only oil is in my nostrils. I pray I get rave reviews from the household. I don’t have money to just waste. I’ll do my best not to burn anything. The veges are celery, carrots, onions & cabbage. I’m trying my best not to put my own stank (my seasonings) on the meat. I don’t want to lose the oriental feel/taste of it. Oh gee…fingers crossed.

Update (2 days later)…

It was a hit! All the kids and the hubster loved it.  Everyone got seconds except for my husband and oldest child (came home late from work). They wanted more, more, more! Lol! I might do another pot tonight.  I need more veges but have chicken & noodles on deck. I’m just not domestic.  I dread cooking but can do it well.  What’s wrong with me?  I can stay on the pc and ps3 all day. Smh…

 

$$$

tithes

Experiencing financial spats with the spouse. At one moment I think we’re on one accord and then something goes left. So now we’re at the crossroads, actually been at the crossroads of is this you or the devil? We be ready to say it’s the devil and sometimes  it’s just us. But we have to know the difference. When we begin to walk with Christ and He blesses us with spiritual sight, we will pick up on things.  We have to know what to pray for.  I’m just always binding up spirits  for they are always around. But some stuff is just the individual. We have been  raised a certain way and life is also made us a certain way and those things tend to stick with us. But they don’t work anymore once you unite with another. Some things in us just have to change. Most marriages fail due to finances, lack of communication and sex (infidelity or quality/quantity). For anyone who wants to just jump up and get married you might want to think not once but a million times about it. And ask God about your significant other. Get his “stamp of approval”. Once you are tied to that person you are just that, tied. The word says that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). Women, we are a man’s glory (1 Corinthians 11:7). Check this out…our hair is our Glory (1 Corinthians 11:15), lol! All jokes aside…we are to submit one to another. It’s teamwork. Almost every decision is made by the both of you. Now this is the way it should be, is it really tho? One should not enter into a marriage unless they are equally yoked.

spousespouse 2

You need to believe in the same thing. Or else you will experience quarrels in the very near future. If you have not hit those speed bumps yet, get ready they are coming. Especially when children are involved. What kind of school you want them to go to, what religion you want them to have, what color nail polish is appropriate for your little girl, if the dress is too short, that demonic logo can’t be on his shirt, etc. I’m just saying, the way that we have been raised especially religiously, can come with some quirky ideas or ways of living. Do you get what I am trying to say? I had a fellow Christian tell me when I was a little girl that blue nail polish was for prostitutes. That impacted me for years. Granted I still wore this blue nail polish from childhood to adulthood but what she said stuck with me until this day. I did not think I was a prostitute, but it showed me how some people just believe differently religiously. I did not believe that I will go to hell because of this nail polish but I think that was a little harsh to tell me at such a young tender age. I digress. So I do not believe that Christians and Buddhist can have a productive marriage. Doesn’t mean they can’t love each other. Just saying, it’s already hard for 2 Christians to agree all the time. Point blank the Bible says don’t be unequally yoked. They can try but those religions will clash eventually. So back to the money. Paying tithes. People have different ways to paying tithes. Numbers 18:25 speaks about 10%. Now is that 10% of your net or 10% of your gross? I believe that the holy spirit will lead you to all truths. So if you don’t have the Holy Spirit you’re walking blind with your eyes wide open. I do it from my gross. I’ve read that years ago when the taxes were being paid differently that it was okay to pay from the net but now, not so much. Something like that. I can’t remember exactly. I just decided that I’d stick with what we’ve been doing. But once husband and wife have made a decision on how they are going to do things, no one should change the rules without speaking to the other. This will cause problems, a break down in the marriage. Teamwork! For true believers the Bible way is the right way. I’m speaking on what I do and it might not work for everyone else. I seek to please God & not myself. In marriage, you work as 1. Back to the money. It also states that if you don’t pay your tithes, you are robbing God and the curses will begin.

robber

Since you are married, not one but both husband and wife will be cursed. Let’s take it further, the house will be cursed! Whatever blessings that you would have received because you were diligently and rightfully paying your tithes, will no longer be. How bout, you’ll start losing. Not gaining and also losing what you already have acquired! Be careful who you marry. Seriously. God comes first financially. You pay your tithes and then you pay your bills. So if you and your spouse are disagreeing on who comes first, here is another breakdown. Now concerning bills only. If you cannot decide which bill is priority, breakdown . Common sense says that the light bill is more important than a hair-do or a new pair of shoes. But someone out there with strongly disagree. Another breakdown. Learn these things about each other before you tie the knot. Yes, go and get some counseling, you will find yourself disagreeing about things that you never thought you would. But that’s all in life. No marriage is perfect, I don’t care what someone tells you. Remember, they are telling you in part. You cannot listen and watch them for yourselves. So best believe that there are things taking place behind closed doors that people may never share with you. So stop idolizing other people’s lives. Work on your own and pray to God that he helps you. Include him in alllllll things. And at that do not be afraid to share some things, be careful who you share it with though, because your testimony can very well help someone.

testimony.jpg

That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in again to guide you on who you should speak to. I’m praying that I and my spouse get on one accord so that our home can be blessed beyond measure. To know better and not do a better it is a sin. That is the word. We keep playing with ourselves, justifying our wrongdoing and thinking that God was still bless us. That’s just stupid. He is not a man that he should lie. God does not lie, man does. So if he says he will discipline you for sin, he will do just that. So why don’t we keep playing these games and lying to ourselves. We hate when our children do it. And guess what, we are his children. So here comes the spankings. So might as well boot that toosh up and get ready for those licks because you knew you were doing wrong. And then love God anyway after the whooping. But we have to work together in a marriage and it can be hard when it seems like one is working harder than the other. And at that, we have been working on one thing for so long it’s like when will the change come, do you not get it yet. Just some frustrations, thoughts, feelings, from the mind of a married person. Anyway, take God with you everywhere you go. Pray without ceasing. Pray for yourself and others. Don’t stop. We need the Lord in our day to day decision making. Especially when those decisions affect our futures.

What’s wrong with your hands?

Okay, I cooked last night. Keep in mind I’m not domestic but I can hold it down, no problem.  We have leftovers but I wanted some garlic toast.  I sent the hubster out to grab a box.  I’m on the pc when he comes back.  I believe I asked him to throw it in the oven.  Minutes later he asks me if the food’s ready.  I’m like, “What you mean?  I was sitting here when you left and returned.  Haven’t moved yet, I cooked last night and asked you to do the bread.”  Why he’s like, “Oh Lord.”  Naw buddy, don’t pray now.  I cooked lassssssssssttttt night and didn’t plan on it today.  That food was fye too, might I add!  Just needed a little addition on the plate.  Nothing is wrong with your feet to walk to the car and in the store to purchase it.  And there’s absolutely nothing with your hands (since you used ’em to drive), to put that staff of life in the fully operable range, praise God it works.  So I’m thinking he’s gonna do it.  Nope, silly of me.  He ’bout to go get nuggets.  Ummmmm, I cooked last night sir, don’t play me.  See, this is how food gets tossed.  Sits in the fridge forgotten ’til 2 days or more flies bye (I don’t like leftovers pass 2 days) and that’s that.  Nope! Eat that pasta! God is great, he made provision for me to go to Walmart and be patient in those tedious lines.  Don’t play me…plz.