Melting Away

Started reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian . I started to change immediately, just like when I watched, No More Sheets by Juanita Bynum. Hardness melting. Like a baby. Soft. Me before me. A new me. Re-molded. I feel like I’m going back to my old, sweet me. It feels gooooood.

Best believe it’s scary too. That means I’m opening myself up to vulnerability. But I need to open for my loved one’s, for me. I can’t get thru to God being hard hearted. And this books speaks about praying to change yourself first before you even attempt to pray for God to change your man. Upon reading I quickly realized this woman knows what she’s talking about. Like she could see right thru me. I am the old her. I’m confessing deliverance now. Speaking things that are not as though they were. But literally feel a tug, pull on my heart as I read the words off the page. Everything rang so true. I do want my husband to change things that God might not see as a problem, but I do. Therefore my focus is off. That’s where the nagging comes in it. And us women talking won’t solve everything. I already knew this, but sometimes we just have to shut up and pray. This is something I have been saying for a while now. And a section of her book is titled “shut up and pray”.

Oh my God this book is amazing so far. I have only gotten up to some of the second chapter. But just the beginning did a lot for me. I can lie to myself and say, “I’m okay, I’m not that bad.” But to see someone claim they are struggling or have struggled the exact same way I have, lets me know that there is more work to be done in me that I’m sweeping under the rug and I’m not okay. And it’s okay to be not okay as long as I try (God’s help) to be okay. I still feel this change in me & the enemy hates it. Even though it has been a few days since I have picked up this book, well really I downloaded it to my phone, but you get the drift, I still feel awareness of my issues and changing taking place. And this change will benefit my entire outlook on life. Building my joy!

A part of my wall has been torn down, there’s more to go though. The part that would not allow me to cry out for my troubled son (she to anger), is cracked and I am still working to knock it all down. While trying to be strong for so long and putting on a good face, I’ve felt that breaking down was weakness. But the word says for when I am weak, I’m strong. Sometimes I have to have those moments of just feeling vulnerable so that God can renew me with His power, not my own. In order for God to here our prayers, they have to come from a clean heart. The heart can not be clean if it is harboring a dark thing. Anger for one. When we go to God about someone who has wronged us, we tend to be angry. We need to confess to him we have thesefeelings and that we don’t want to feel like that anymore. But truthfully we want to stay angry and don’t want to admit it. Because with that anger comes along that wall to keep that person out from hurting us again. But even with that wall up they can still hurt us, again. So we need God’s power to give us compassion and forgiveness because being angry takes a lot of energy.

Being hurt takes a lot of energy too, we just mope (self pity) in it and feel sorry for ourselves at times. Stop it. We have to ask God to help us with us and then pray for the others. And that is hard to do. So that’s why I have more to go cuz the ole girl hasn’t completely changed over night. Some find it easy to forgive & not hold grudges. Not I. I never saw myself as a grudge holder but I am. Oh wow, I embarassed to admit I’m part of the Grudge Crew but its true. Help me Lord.


Courage: Fried Fish

Ok, I did a blog about me not being domestic but I can stomp with the big dogs. Well the past 2 nights I’ve been cooking. Fish! I hate frying fish! Something with my nerves man. I can not tolerate hot grease popping me. But get this, the way I react, I’ll flip the whole pan over! That’s worse than the few pops. Boyyyyy I was praying. Praying that God helped me calm down. I was trying to face my fear here ppl. 

The race isn’t given to the swift or the strong but to those who endure…to the end. I refused to quit. Now a few weeks ago I did Chinese honey chicken. The first few I placed in the pan sizzled. I called my sister to cook em for me. I just couldn’t deal with those miniature hot pellets. 

I see my mom standing over the stove, sweat glistening on her orangey (red boned sista) skin, holding a fork in her right, pan handle in her left, squinting one eye as those fiery grease balls pop her in the face. What a strong woman she was. I aspired to be strong like mama. Well, I guess this apple fell far from the tree cuz I runssssss from the frying pan. Ha!

The last 2 nights though, I hung in there. Mind you, everyone knows when I’m frying cuz my voice carries with ridiculous screams like I’m dying. Nope, I’m just frying, family. Don’t mind me. Just like needles. Scared of those or I was. It’s a mind thing. I told myself once it’s in, it isn’t gonna hurt as bad as I thought. After a while, I stopped bracing myself. Relaxation set it. Only if I can do the same with frying. 

The jumping, standing back, screaming, flipping food over frantically, splashing, breaking out in a sweat, wrapping my hand/arm with towels…dramatic right? Lord help me. 

Oh, the fish was fine. Needed more seasoning both nights. But I’m here to tell my survival story. Chicken, steak, pork chops…same story. Except for the seasoning part (be’s on point).

I will continue my kitchen adventures. I’ll become Martha Stewart in no time! Just gotta invest in a long frying glove. I might have to invent it if it isn’t out there already. Hey! Don’t steal my idea. You know what, go ahead. I need 1 or 2 pronto. As a matter of fact, an entire suit!

Gospel Gangsta

Sitting here talking to the hubster. This dude is a trip. He’s telling me about how he prophesized to the comcast debt collector. He’s a tough one to call too. So beware to any rep’s out there. You’ve been warned. He’ll put on his fake Jamaican accent, start asking you questions & you’ll end up hanging up on him instead of the other way around. Gotta love this dude.

Any who…this particular call went differently. By the time he hung up, the lady was crying & telling him that she needs to pay him instead. Got the woman sobbing at her desk, smh. I guess she had him on speaker which sounds unlawful because he claims her co-workers were shocked too. Maybe he just heard other rep’s in her background, idk. But she was bewildered as to how he knew what she was going through. He said the holy spirit began to reveal her situation & he just opened his mouth. One thing I can say about him, he allows God to use him fearlessly. They even had prayer! I bet she didn’t expect that.

Anyway…we’re not paying them a thang. At least, no time soon that is. God bless!

Balance the scale

Too much of something isn’t good (milk, chocolate, excercise, even sex, yea I said it!). Like talking to someone everyday. You end up saying too much. Telling what should stay between you & God. Then you’ll be kicking yourself later & wondering if you talk too much. Hey, we all make mistakes right? Sometimes you gotta pray & stay away from some folk too. You’re not a bad person for doing so. You know that loving from a distance thing? It’s kool. You can’t share everything & you can’t take everyone with you where you go (in life). It’s fine. Even if it’s you “bestie”. Most times it’s those closest who burn you ūüĒ•.
And we be so surprised to find out our lovee’s are hating on us…hard. They let those spirits seep in & don’t rebuke em. Done told em all our secrets. Don’t we feel dumb sometimes?  We live & learn, o-tay? Got to start balancing. Say some, not all. Pray simultaneously as speaking. Asking the holy spirit to guide our tongues. We don’t want to fall into gossip now, do we? None of our words need to be idle, empty, meaningless. Let’s take every opportunity to encourage someone to be better, feel better, do better. Yea we can talk a little about what happened on Scandal. Have a little hee-hee, ha-ha. But ppl are hurting out here. Inspire someone & break off for a bit. We don’t have to say much all the time. Just enough. Because a straw can be stuck in you & all your strength get sucked out and/or you’ll become their human dumpster. Outcome: you’ll be drained and/or acting crazy (not your usual self or worse). Spirits are real honey!

We tend to feel bad when we distance ourselves from others. However it may be necessary. We need time to grow spiritually & it’s hard with distractions. From personal experience I’ll just suggest giving your close ppl a heads up before you fall off the face of the earth. They can feel abandoned. And it may not be personal or it just might be.

Most of us need deliverance from ppl. I sure do. We can’t control each other. We can’t put expectations on each other. We have fleshly moments & fall short. We desire man much but should desire the Lord much more. After all, he is a jealous God. Living in this world doesn’t make us of it. Dare to be different yall! No ppl pleasing. I see I’ll never be able to please everyone no matter how nice & helpful I am. So a God bless you & swift departure is all “some” will receive from me from now on. And that’s okay. I’m finna get to balancing.

Potty Mouth

We all make mistakes often, but those who don’t make mistakes with their words have reached full maturity. Like a bridled horse, they can control themselves entirely.

James 3:2 CEB

Does age determine maturity? Or mental state, body changes? According to the scripture above, it’s one’s ability to control the tongue. In that case, they’re many big babies on earth today. I must admit…I’m one. Ugh…

Okay, I gotta mature. This ole tongue of mine can be toxic. Not only to others but to myself. I’d get upset or discouraged and say what? Negative junk. Bafoolery! Talk (venting) myself right out of a blessing(s). Don’t know what God was finna do. Vile, selfish, off the wall statements. Nah I say I trust God and soon as I don’t get my way my tongue goes to flopping. I’m sick of the doubt that slips in. My mind. I’m a thinker. Over-thinking. I fight myself. My brain & my tongue. I know better. Gotta do better.

I know that God is steady blessing me. Even when it looks arbitrary, I must understand that it’s for my good. But no, I don’t want to give credence to that¬†scripture. I want¬†everything to be perfect. No suffering. No nothin that hurts or frustrates. And that’s not how it goes.

Christ carried his cross. So shall I. I won’t need him, ever, if things are always great, now will I? Why would I (if I were God) create a species that will never tell me thank you as I constantly serve them? Wake em up, breathe life in em, strengthen em, feed & clothe em, bless em beyond measure, remove their enemies, fight their battles, etc…do all that for nothin? Absolutely not! He knows someone with since out there will give him credit for not only what he’s done but who he is (words can’t describe his awesomeness). With that being said, how dare I doubt his power to turn my frowns upside down. He’s been doing it since 1982, why can’t he do it now & forever more? So when ole slew foot tries to get in my head & cause doubt, I gotta rebuke him for God is great. He’s been great & if he decides to take a break from giving me what he has before I need to be patient until he gets back on His bandwagon. I need to shut my mouth if it won’t sing praises, thanks & prophesy of what he’s about to do. Power (of life & death) ¬†is in this tongue. I have the power to tell everything to move so I can produce my purpose.

Filthy, filthy mouth speaking nonsense. And I call myself a Saint. Really? Do I even believe it? Sometimes yes, no, I don’t know. I get weary & complain. Moments in time. Testimony. Mines. He still blesses even when I don’t believe, about let’s sayyyyyy 20-30%. Some have a higher percentage than I do, I might not be so bad. But there should be 0% of doubt. Then for it to be uttered aloud. Oh my God, forgive me. How easily I forget how you kept me for HIV/AIDS (cause yes, I layed with someone positive). How easily I forget how he stopped my car from spinning “off” the overpass. How easily I forget he gave me strength to tell that nasty nigga (grown man) no & he got off of me at the tender age of 14. How easily I forget he allowed me to birth 5 healthy babies, from 4 boys, 1 man & still hold my head high believing I’m worthy of love. He gives me an inner strength to PUSH! And when I get tired, I pray, realise I’m royalty, cut from a different rug, my daddy is a KING, ain’t¬†no quittin…I¬†PUUUUSSSSHHHHHH some more! By golly I’m moooorrreeee than a CONQUEROR. More!

I’ll shut my mouth & stop belittling God’s power to see me thru any & everything challenged. Venturing into unknown territories is part of my spiritual growth. Gonna be faced with things that can cause more doubt but I gotta remember I’m on the winning team. I can do all things thru him for he does strengthen me. Time to grow up & get this ūüĎÖ in ‚úĒ. That!

Even the world knows about this mouth of mine but Imma change the second to last statement.

A lil’ bittuh’ sin?

The actions that are produced by selfish motives are obvious, since they include sexual immorality, moral corruption, doing whatever feels good, idolatry, drug use and casting spells, hate, fighting, obsession, losing your temper, competitive opposition, conflict, selfishness, group rivalry, jealousy, drunkenness, partying, and other things like that. I warn you as I have already warned you, that those who do these kinds of things won‚Äôt inherit God‚Äôs kingdom. Galatians 5:19‚Ä≠-‚Ĩ21 CEB

Are we guilty of anything above? We can think that out “little thing” is ok. We’re so use to it. We grow into lying to ourselves…daily. Justification.

I see me up there. Selfishness. I want my way, a lot. Not really giving thought to how someone else might feel inside. Something as simple as not wanting to share (item, food) may bring up past issues for another. My intentions may not be to personally attack them but I’m so caught up in myself I don’t recognise my harshness at times. 

My loss of temper. Oh yea, happens a lot at home. I don’t have to yell to lose it. The things I utter. Y’all gettin on my nerves. Shut up. Get out. Stop talkin to me. All this because I don’t want to deal with more tasks or whatever. We hurt those closest to us. It isn’t they’re fault (kids even my hubby gets it) I’m an adult with responsibilities.

Doing whatever feels good. I think it’s ok to eat 3 slices of red velvet back to back. Yea right! That’s not conducive to what I’ve been praying for. But I’ll say I deserve it for all the aggravation endured that day. 

You might say some of these examples aren’t a big deal. But they are. My temple must be clean for the holy spirit to have free course. Glutton is a sin. Selfishness is too. Getting angry & acting on it…sin. Love my neighbor as I love me. I love me but putting junk in that could kill me later…uh-uh. Too much of anything can’t be good, hello, “too” much. I pray to God for self control, to say no, to myself.

There are a few others I deal/dealt with. Thank God for his delivering power! But those so called not so bad things, have to be relinquished too, for real. Who’s strong enough to tell themselves the truth? Changing for the better will do us all some good. No shame in it! Once you tell on you the power is taken back.

No HATE in this ‚̧

Bizzle said it best, “Homie you can hate me but you get no hate back. Cuz all the hatin in the world won’t make me a hater.”

I know I have haters. I’m the sweetest, meanest person you’ll meet(ūüėú). Why hate me? But it’s inevitable. Everyone won’t have a love like Christ’s. They can keep hating me all the way to fiery hell. I won’t be there. Imma love my way into heaven’s gates. It won’t be easy but I’m pressing. I won’t allow how one feels about me make me just like them. Understand, get out my way tho with the foolishness. The bible says to shun the very presence of evil. I’ll do just that & pray the haters are delivered from their illnesses. The best carnal medicine I can give them is to keep being great. 

At the moment I have absolutely no energy to hate anyone. I need to be this way always. I’m priortizing what really matters. My sanity is #1. The more angry I get about uncontrollable ppl & things, the more tired I am. So I then give it to God when I should’ve from the gate. This world may cause us to become cold. We can’t let it happen. We can’t control ppl but we can control ourselves with the Holy Spirit on board. The devil tries his hardest to throw us off. He knows what gets to us & we fall for it every time. We give hate so much energy instead of forgiveness & love. Agape love. Til we die we’ll be working on something(s) unChrist-like within us. Become aware of it & get to work. Someone needs to see light in this dark place. Choose to be light. If we choose God we’ll be happier. I fight me more than I fight ppl. I’m so tired. And I can’t beat God. See, I’ve been taught the way. I can’t get away from it no matter how hard I try. I am a good person at heart but have been damaged. I know God can heal me…if I let him. I’ve decided to get out the way & heal. Someone is watching me saying if I can do it, even with a smile, they can. Misery loves company. I don’t want ppl miserable & neither do I. I may not want to be an example but I am. God called me to be so. 

We want ppl to listen to us but we don’t listen to God. What if daily he dished out the judgement we give to others? We’ll be begging for mercy. Now…even when ppl don’t apologize, we’re to forgive and let God deal with ’em. I’m taking need to this now. We forgive for our own sanity & righteousness. When you realize you have more things going on that take precedence over how someone feels about you, you can move pass things quicker. I refuse to spew hate back at others because they hate me. I know better, I’m doing better & I can have better because God said so. I refuse to be a miserable human being when God said he’d give me the desires of my heart. I’m worthy of a good life & you are too. We make mistakes. Repent & turn from doing it habitually. Strive to change for the better. We can’t let ppl pull us down to their level. We should actually feel sorry for them & pray for their souls. 

Everyone copes differently. What you’re delivered from, someone still struggles with that thing. Have compassion. I know I’m great & the enemy knows it too. He wants me to think otherwise to bring me closer to him. Won’t happen. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not great arrogantly. Great because God didn’t make a mistake when he created me in his image. He broke the mold! Great because his Holy Spirit is within, empowering me to not give up, to fight!  And I pray that everyone feels the same way about themselves. I want to see everyone win! If everybody felt that way…wouldn’t be haters running amuck.

Moving on

I’ve decided to move on. Moving on from the past. Moving on from old friends and associates. Moving on from situations. Moving on from stinking thinking. Moving on from unforgiveness. Moving on from doubt. Moving on from my bad attitude. Moving on from questioning myself. I’m fed up. I’m moving on from losing. I’m moving on from self-loathing. I’m moving on from depression and stress. I will not let the devil win. When he gets the mind, he will get the body. I am victorious. I am my own worst enemy and I know better. The devil sit s back and laughs at me. Those days are over. I’m more than a conqueror and I’m moving on from thinking otherwise. 
Who’s with me?

In another life I’m an X-men


If I could choose 1 super power (really want 2-3), I think I’d roll with invisibility. ¬†Now this is coming from a stand point of make believe. ¬†The things I’m about to say, are questionable and might lead me to hell. ¬†This is make believe ok?!

With my power I would rob banks. I should also be able to walk through walls. ¬†If God says I can’t, I’ll watch the tellers enter combinations, remember and go in behind them or alone. ¬†Also whatever I touch should become invisible too. ¬†That’s fair. ¬†They can’t see money bags floating in the air nah. ¬†And my clothes have to disappear because I don’t want to be naked. Okay I have a feeling that this will turn into a flurry of powers. ¬†Because now I want speed. ¬†I’ll do my best to stick with the original.


I would punch people in the face…more than once. Ha! Yes, more than once. ¬†I would probably spit on them too, right when they getting slick at the mouth. ¬†That’s wrong right? ¬†I know. ¬†Make believe ppl. ¬†Things we “wish” we could do and still make it to heaven. ¬†These are the ppl who throw dirt on my name, lie, try my kids, aggravate me on the job, test me, etc. ¬†I guess I need to be beating up the real bad guys too. The rapist, molesters, bad cops…bad guys & gals in general. ¬†Vengeance is mines!!! Muah, ha, ha, haaaaa!! Not really, it’s the Lord’s. ¬†But remember…make believe ppl. ¬†Stick with me.

I would be able to pass my power to anyone. ¬†My 18 year old would be the 1st. ¬†So she can copy the answers of all her tests from wherever they’re kept. ¬†The big dogs (SAT, ACT and whatever else they’ve created to stump these kids). ¬†I hope she’s mature enough to use this power properly. ¬†I’m such a great example right?

Since I can’t fly (scared of heights anyway but with that power the fear would be gone), I’ll hop a plane and take a empty seat without paying. ¬†I’ll take all the snacks and drinks I want from the cart. ¬†Mind you, I took my first flight ever a few weeks ago. ¬†So I don’t know all the lingo but I do believe that’s a cart they push down the aisle. ¬†When they tell us to stay in our seat, I’ll stand and run down the aisle. ¬†This coming from someone afraid of heights. ¬†I won’t be afraid to look crazy going under the seat to plug my phone charger in. ¬†If my butt’s in someone’s face, they won’t know. ¬†Remember, with invisibility I’ll be intangible. ¬†Hey! This is my desire so it’s a 2-in-1 power. Anyway, they won’t feel me brush up against them until I want them to, hence, the punch in the face.

I would pay for nothing ever again. ¬†I’m robbing banks, so I don’t have to work (I’ll probably still work tho). ¬†I’ll be Robin Hood, and hit up the bad rich folk. ¬†The drug dealers too. ¬†I’ll help ppl with their bills and other needs. ¬†Light, water and sewer, rent, cable, cell, internet, insurance, car note (oh, my new car will be paid for cash) will be paid on time every month, no months in advance. ¬†I’ll be wealthy! ¬†I’ll walk in stores and take what I want. ¬†Food, clothes, tools, etc. ¬†I’ll hit Walmart up baby! ¬†I’m not so into designers but I’ll get a few of them too. ¬†Long as it looks good and fits, it’s mine!

I want another power. Ugh! To think something and it appears or disappears. ¬†If I could think of ppl getting punched in the face and that happens I wouldn’t need to be invisible anymore. ¬†I think I still want the privilege of hitting them though. ¬†But if I had manifesting power, I’d clean up dog pee & poop easily! ¬†Here and then poof, gone! ¬†Some other fun stuff too. But I digress.

With invisibility I’ll still have to be patient with some things. ¬†I’ll still have to wait for my online orders to be delivered. ¬†I won’t rob the Amazon warehouse, lol. I should. But I think invisibility is worth it if I can never be arrested or shot. ¬†And if they trace the stolen money when I use it or something (I don’t have fingerprints), when they come looking for me, they’ll never catch me or be able to cuff me. ¬†They’ll get punched in the face every time. ¬†Maybe kick those nuts too. ¬†I’m trying to limit it to punches but I could do worse with this imagination of mine. ¬†However I have a heart. ¬†As long as I get a little blood from those gums, I’m pleased. ¬†The bad guys probably won’t get mercy though. ¬†I don’t want to be running the rest of my life & starting over either. ¬†Well this is a world where I don’t get caught.

God forgive me for this post…

So what power(s) would you choose?  And what would you do with them?





What type of mom am I? I might be weird and normal all together.

super mom.jpgYou know how you can do something well but don’t want to?  Like cooking (me), cleaning (me), other stuff I can’t think of momentarily (probably me too).  I’m trying to figure out what I can do as a hobby.  So I started blogging.  I’ve always loved writing since a kid.  Now I type instead, same thing, lol.  But what else do I like?  I love the computer.  Wanted to be a computer tech but I probably just wanted to play on the pc all day.  Didn’t understand what a tech did, it just sounded kool.  Oh! I use to always take things apart and put em back together.  Sooooo, I like to use my hands and figure (fix) out things.  What job/hobby is that?  I’m a Ms. Fix It.  I love caring for ppl.  Wanted to be a nurse, still do but would rather be my own boss.  I love babies so I’m opting to open a daycare.  At 35 I don’t want to start school for nursing now.  I think I could still  be a computer fixer but of the programs and not the actual computer. School for that might not take too long.  But I’m sticking with the daycare, I’ll be the BOSS.

sewing mom

Other than that, hobbies?  Don’t fish (probably can), don’t do arts and crafts (probably can), can cook, don’t like it but like eating, can do hair a little, don’t like that either, the list goes on.  So what will I pass to my kids?  I love the Playstation 3.  Games! Cards, board, outdoor, pc. I’m a gamer.  I can do that with my kiddies.  They’ll grow up and say, “I use to play games with my mom. She taught me how not to be a sore loser cuz she beat me every time and laughed in my face.”

game mom

That doesn’t sound as kool as, “My mom taught me how to sew.”  Oh yea, I took sewing in school and loved it.  But…I’m not that interested enough to buy a machine.  What kind of woman/mom am I?  I don’t like sports (except boxing, mma, some tennis).  I like travelling but need the money, so i haven’t done that but once with all the kids.  I’m not into nature but I love looking at beautiful pics and oohing and ahhing as I drive by the scenery.  Although I do want to try camping but it has to be where we get cell reception and running water.  Some kind of RV camp.  I know it exists.  It has to.  I love movies.  Maybe I can be a movie critic.  But does that count as something to teach my kids?  I work, pay bills, come home, lay down, play on my phone/pc, watch tv, text, cook when I have to, wash clothes when I have to (kids and husband do that), clean up when I have to (kids and husband barely do that but it’s enough until I get pissed if it isn’t to my liking). The funnest things are laying down, my phone, tv and pc.  Why do I not enjoy baking and washing dishes like my mom did?

super mom 2

I try to show my kids strength through my instructions without telling them about the grown-up struggles too much (bills, haters at work, etc). Guiding them through day to day experiences. I tell them how they should be loving individuals like Jesus , clean their body’s and surrounding,  how to cope with stress and mean ppl, forgive, when to walk away and/or take a stand, all that good stuff.  Most of all…I LOVE GOD.  Everything I teach them revolves around God. We’re avid church goers.  I hope that’s enough teaching and should be satisfied with that.  Maybe with me it’s not so much of the physical I teach but more verbal and showing them by the way I simply live.  I don’t want them to be just like me but I do want them to be like me.  Have a heart, driven to succeed and care for themselves as well as others.  But not get trampled over either cuz I’ve been there too. I still want them to say they learned how to do something besides iron they’re clothes cuz their mama didn’t want to.  Again…why am i not domestic.

super mom 3

Soon as they were old enough to do things, I put em to work.  Then they did for the younger ones.  I was never a stay home mom.  Just trying to balance both my worlds. Maybe once I start the business I’ll begin to love other things that I can teach them.  Oh, I’d like to grow a garden. I tell myself keeping a roof over their heads is plenty.  But I once was a kid and wanted my mom do do things with me, she didn’t.  Maybe that’s why I am the way I am.  She had me at 45.  An older woman.  She wasn’t into hopping around with me that much. She’d push me out the kitchen most times when I asked to help, it was more like I was just in the way.  Although i enjoyed liking the pots when she did cakes a pies.  She’d call me in for that.  I mix things a little but not die-hard teaching me to cook. I still can cook though. I do that same thing sometimes with my kids when they ask to help.  I like my space and focus.  Who can go shopping with kids?  I hate it, with the younger one’s mostly.

cooking mom 2

Oh yea, I like encouraging ppl to keep striving.  That’s a ummmm…motivational speaker right?!  I also want a women’s support group with some pregnant teens mixed in.  But I can’t teach my kids that.  That’s more like something learned by watching my mannerisms, actions, life, watching me “do”.  Can’t explain it as well as I’d like to. I’ll figure it out.  Maybe it’ll hit me like a ton of bricks.  How much fun is it coming home, learning how to write properly (cuz blogging is what mommy’s into now) after a 6 hour-long day in school?  They don’t want to learn that from me, I don’t think.  I gotta find my niche that will stick with my children.  I just need to accept that I am who I am (hard worker, dream fulfill’r) and my kids can tell the world “that” about their mom.  I think they’ll be the most proud of me for achieving the things I’ve desired for so long.  The few I’ve listed isn’t it.  Might need to create a bucket list  They’ll know to never give up, that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them and no matter what the world says, they can have their dream(s).

Update (minutes later)…

Great Scott, I got it!!! I’ve taught my children thus far…how to pray! I’m a great mom.

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