Sometimes it feels like I can’t win for losing. There’s always a challenge around the corner. I have seasons. Seasons of physical pain. My feet, knees, neck, wrist, stomach, hips and back. I don’t know what the next season will bring. But the doctor will always say, it’s the weight. Right now it’s lower back season. With a bit of hip & thigh. I believe some of it, if not all of it, has been spiritual. Granted, yes I need to lose weight. I don’t eat like I should. My life seems to not allow me to eat those five to six small meals a day, go figure. Or maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. I would work out and then injure myself. After that I’m down for months. So now how am I to do a good cardio workout with back pain? However it hurts to the point where I want to get up and do something about it, like stretch. I can even get lazy with the stretching. Back to the spiritual aspect. If weight was the issue, why has the other pains gone away but switched to another area of my body? I have actually gained a few more pounds and those other pains have not resurfaced. I don’t want them to. But I also don’t want them to jump to another part of my body. The attacks on my body, I guess I need to be thankful that I can feel them because someone can’t feel at all. But I do want to live the most joyful life as possible. I don’t want anything to get in the way of my ministry. If I put God’s business first I believe that he would take care of the rest. The rest is this carnal life. If I can just be in the spirit where there are no infirmities, I can have his joy and peace. I still don’t sleep a hundred percent (need rest) but it’s better than years ago. But there is much room for improvement. I need him to help me. Help me eat right, exercise, sleep well and whatever else it takes for this temple to be in optimal working condition.
I’m not giving up, I’m not complaining but I’m simply saying I hurt and I am waiting on healing or a miracle. It must be for a reason right? It’s been a while since I’ve done a blog and maybe someone wants to know if there is anyone else out there that continuously goes through “something”. And my something is physical pain that’s unexplainable. I didn’t get in a recent accident to blame the back pain on. I definitely wasn’t working out or lifting anything and pulled the muscle. I cannot figure it out but I do know that aleve helps but lingering pain is still there. And this is something that keeps me calling on the name Jesus. I believe that’s what he wants me to do. It keeps me humble. That’s a plus. Plenty of prayer. For me & others. Oh! My hubby has had back pain for years. Maybe God wants to show me what he goes thru especially when I’m selfish towards him. When you’re one, you will share the good as well as the bad.
I can’t wait for the day that this pain goes away…and stays away. Lord! I won’t leave you! Keep thorns outta my side! I’ll be a good girl! Do you think he’ll give me a pass? Probably not. I have to pay for my anointing. Maybe in a few years I’ll be ready to be pain free but then it’ll probably be something else to deal with. That’s God for ya. I love him nevertheless.